Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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