They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
