your thong is hanging out like whoa
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
