it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
