idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
