you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize