is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
