im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
