I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize