he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
