Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Randomize
