I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
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We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
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I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...