her vagine was all disorganized.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dating After Heartbreak
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT