He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
