He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
