i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"