The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.