Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.

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  (720): I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare. http://tfl.nu/5d0o
  Replies (3) Good night (1119) Bad night (697)
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  (650): View more from California

  I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.

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  (650): I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it. http://tfl.nu/k1p6
  Replies (7) Good night (723) Bad night (3517)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.

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  (519): You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night. http://tfl.nu/cmtj
  Replies (3) Good night (2198) Bad night (719)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.

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  (314): Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy. http://tfl.nu/gwon
  Replies (4) Good night (896) Bad night (2868)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing

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  (774): i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing http://tfl.nu/cwrn
  Replies (2) Good night (659) Bad night (4006)
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  (619): View more from California

  You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.

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  (619): You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on. http://tfl.nu/5706
  Replies (3) Good night (4133) Bad night (529)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.

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  (413): Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist. http://tfl.nu/vfvp
  Replies (33) Good night (5632) Bad night (1424)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning

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  (516): She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning http://tfl.nu/jaay
  Replies (12) Good night (1745) Bad night (6754)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..

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  (973): can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces.. http://tfl.nu/3uan
  Replies (6) Good night (2766) Bad night (1205)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp

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  (214): You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp http://tfl.nu/t0a5
  Replies (9) Good night (1306) Bad night (2632)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown

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  (773): after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown http://tfl.nu/azzf
  Replies (7) Good night (836) Bad night (1240)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?

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  (615): Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night? http://tfl.nu/6kbl
  Replies (3) Good night (1365) Bad night (536)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.

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  (614): I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help. http://tfl.nu/pypk
  Replies (1) Good night (301) Bad night (649)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.

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  (412): Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it. http://tfl.nu/10d1
  Replies (6) Good night (1105) Bad night (586)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.

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  (832): He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room. http://tfl.nu/v57f
  Replies (0) Good night (248) Bad night (306)

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