Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I am puke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I am puke http://tfl.nu/8ec4
  Replies (2) Good night (926) Bad night (1194)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment. http://tfl.nu/sp0b
  Replies (20) Good night (3839) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song. http://tfl.nu/nwvh
  Replies (87) Good night (4188) Bad night (1142)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order http://tfl.nu/9jwa
  Replies (12) Good night (5261) Bad night (1282)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized. http://tfl.nu/0yaa
  Replies (12) Good night (3671) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel http://tfl.nu/t4be
  Replies (18) Good night (3534) Bad night (1324)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night. http://tfl.nu/b0w0
  Replies (4) Good night (2518) Bad night (1262)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus http://tfl.nu/cvrn
  Replies (5) Good night (2525) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito? http://tfl.nu/3rt4
  Replies (11) Good night (2423) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall. http://tfl.nu/80cl
  Replies (7) Good night (2044) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka. http://tfl.nu/j4b1
  Replies (4) Good night (668) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum. http://tfl.nu/4chd
  Replies (12) Good night (517) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Oooh, he sounds pretty classy

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini. (970): Oooh, he sounds pretty classy (720): Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died. http://tfl.nu/8k1p
  Replies (9) Good night (1047) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea http://tfl.nu/yi5k
  Replies (2) Good night (378) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): 2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs http://tfl.nu/f8qu
  Replies (1) Good night (682) Bad night (208)

Randomize