but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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