Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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