I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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