Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
