Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
