The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
