How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
