Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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