That's when you crack a 10am beer
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
