i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
