Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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