I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize