yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
