the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
