Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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