She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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