Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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