Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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