I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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