She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Randomize
