your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
