My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
