ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
