i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
