I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
