i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
