My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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