my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
