their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
