I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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