twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
