grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.