my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
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What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.