Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.