Hey man sorry I got all grabby
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.