She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
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I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.