As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
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I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
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Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.