At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have fence marks all over my body
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
