I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
