dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
