standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
