So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
