just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
