I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
