Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
should my penis look like a turkey
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
