just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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