She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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