you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
