So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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