just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
