My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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