worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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