Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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