seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
