Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
