i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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