It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
