Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
