There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
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I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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