My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
