Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
