who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So squirting runs in the family.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
