I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
