dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
