You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
