One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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