in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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