You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
