He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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