I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
